Venting that is not Facebook appropriate

Yes, it has been months and I return to blogging with a full blown poor me session.......Well my baby girl is 20 months now. People are right about it flying by! I'm still not feeling myself. For starters, I'm the heaviest I have ever been and the 100+ stitches I received in the nether region hasn't helped. And for the love of all things holy, don't suggest exercise and eating better as I know that's what needs to be done. That being said, working and parenting seriously don't fucking mix. I feed my family what is convenient and if healthy just happens to be part of that convenience well then whoopty fuckin hoorah. And excersise, well yeah it ain't gonna happen any time soon. Also, years ago before all my friends had a litter of children, there were a lot more gatherings and when I was pregnant I imagined how fun, albeit hectic, it would be for Violet to be a part of that. Well, those things don't happen much anymore. I get it though, its hard enough with one kid, trying to get all together with bunches of kids is super hard. The things I have tried to go to, Violet turns into a socially anxious leg hugging mamas girl so I just decline invitations. And the hardest part has to be the most selfish....I used to be the friend and family member everyone could count on and I find it so hard to be that person now. I can't jump in the car and go hug a friend and lay with her until she feels better. I cant be at a function hours early to help. And yes, being a mom trump any of that but that is who I fucking was. That shit defined me. I am still me but I'm a new me. And it has taken a lot of adjusting. I will wrap this up by saying thanks for the vent sesh. And one more thing, no matter what, I wouldn't trade a thing, except maybe my car for a more gas friendly one but that is another pity me blog in a whole other category.